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Before We Go Any Further I Need To Say A Few Things

This past year has been one of turmoil for many of us, there have been many ups and downs.

Interestingly, my site saw a spike of new visitors when several Youtubers did their own version of a Vintage Housewife Challenge. The videos that were created were fun, light spirited renditions of the 1950’s daily housewife schedule, but with this new exposure, during a time of unrest and uncertainty I saw a massive increase in negative comments being left on my site.

I am very aware that some influencers and social media accounts within the vintage enthusiast community are highly problematic. But I’ve intentinally tried to avoid political and religious talk here, and I don’t want this site to misconstrued into something it was never intended to be.

Initially, I dealt with the comments, often deleting those that clearly didn’t take the time to look around, or get to know my site. But after a while I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. I was sick of seeing ugly comments and assumptions about me and my site and stopped logging into my site dashboard and email.

The longer I stayed away from this site, the harder it became to “come back”. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months.

When I did think about coming back, I began constantly overthinking EVERYTHING…

Thoughts like “How could this be interpreted”, “What value does this offer”, “When so many are dealing with life or death situations is a fun lifestyle post even relevant” were constantly swirling.

Eventually I began to realize what I needed was to clear the air, tell my side of the story and attempt to clear up any confusion, and move on, but that brought with it it’s own issues.

Once that self-doubt settled in, paralysis wasn’t far behind. I wanted so badly to address these misconceptions, but I was terrified of doing or saying the wrong thing and somehow ruining everything I’ve been working toward here.

The Appeal of The 1950’s

I was scrolling through facebook the other day when I ran across a friend’s post, she was saying how she missed the early days of the pandemic.

I know, it sounds crazy, right ?!?

When I think back to that time, it was highly stressful for a lot of people, and there was a lot of tragedy. Some might classify it as the worst period of time of their life. But my friend explained in her post that she missed the puzzles in the afternoon, the family walks in the evenings, and the slower pace of life.

I realized she had just summed up what I had been long trying to articulate. The world isn’t strictly good or bad. Good things can come from dark times.

I’ve never claimed the 1950’s were some sort of magical utopian era.

The 1950’s marked the beginning of the mainstream Civil Rights Movement. African Americans had been fighting against racial discrimination for centuries, but civil rights leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. and activists like Rosa Parks drew national attention to racial inequality.

The Black Lives Matter Movement of 2020 is both reminiscent of the earlier activism of the 1950’s, and a clear reminder of how far we have yet to go as a society.

1950’s Popular culture and the mass media also reinforced messages about traditional gender roles, consumer culture, and the Cold War ideal of domesticity, but the reality of women’s lives during that time period did not always reflect these standards.

Despite societal norms that encouraged women to stay in the home and out of the workplace, approximately forty percent of women with young children, and at least half of women with older children, chose to remain in the work force.1

Women who chose to work had to deal with direct discrimination from companies, were often viewed as selfish among peer groups.

The assumption that I am ignorant to the social issues of the 50’s and 60’s, or worse that it is the oppression and segregation of those times that appeals to me absolutely couldn’t be further from the truth.

I have no hidden agenda.

I think I have been very clear that I enjoy vintage feminine fashion, style and decor. I also truly do enjoy being a homemaker, and love old fashioned pursuits such as canning, sewing, baking, gardening, and tending to a backyard flock.

I created this site to share these things with other like minded women.

I am not here to suggest all women belong at home in the kitchen. That decision is personal. Honestly, I think a woman belongs wherever she feels the most fulfilled. Period.

I have always welcomed women from all seasons and walks of life into the Vintage Housewife Facebook Group. I am proud of the diversity in that group, and how welcoming all the members are. When I envisioned this community before I built it, I pictured a fun, nostalgic site that speaks to ALL women who enjoy being a homemaker, or perhaps even encourage women who want to enjoy managing their home, and do it more efficiently.

In the past I have used the word “traditional” when describing “old-fashioned” activities such as sewing or baking. When I settled on the use of that word several years ago, it was primarily because I thought “Old-fashioned” sounded dawdy, and I thought traditional communicated what I was trying to articulate.

It has since become clear to me that the word “traditional” connotes specific positions on particular issues, and it has highly charged implications. Hindsight is always 20/20. “Simple Living” is clearly a better word choice when it comes to describing my interests.

I debated long and hard about writing this post. I didn’t want to. As Tony Robbins said, “Where focus grows, energy flows.”

I wanted this place to be a happy uplifting corner of the internet. But the idea that my content and I are being perceived in a manner that is so different than who I am, or what I intended is so disheartening, and I literally couldn’t move on until I addressed this.

Going forward, unless you have previously contributed a thoughtful comment that has been approved, all comments will be held for moderation. Offensive language, insulting or derogatory comments, and personal attacks will not be published. I have also set up a blacklist to filter out comments containing offensive language, certain terms and phrases automatically, so I don’t even have to see the vitriol left by anonymous users.

I reserve the right to block any IP address that violates the comment policy from commenting, subscribing, or accessing The Vintage Housewife.

There can and will be disagreements in the comments sections. However, as long as the discussion remains civil I will not be censoring differing thoughts or opinions.

I am looking forward to moving on. I feel that this community is brimming with promise and potential.

Thanks for reading, if you are new here I am exicted to have you join us! I have a lot in store for this blog, and have no doubt we will all learn a lot, and hopefully have some fun along the way!

1 See “The American Dream,” OpenStax College, U.S. History. OpenStax CNX. May 15, 2015.

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Deeana Crider

Friday 28th of January 2022

I have just recently discovered your site, and I think it is wonderful! You do a really great job creating a cheerful, refreshing online space and informative content. I have never posted a comment before on a website but felt compelled to do so after reading how you have been the target of hateful, knee-jerk spew. Unfortunately, there are lots of lazy, weak, reactionary people who would rather attack brave, creative, proactive individuals than do the actual hard work of having an original thought themselves and putting in the elbow grease to turn it into something of tangible value. I am a writer myself, so I know what it is like to work hard on a piece of content and put it out there for consumption, knowing you are opening yourself up to public feedback. In the days of newspapers, most of the editorial sections required people to include a name and an actual physical address along with their "opinion" submissions. The internet allows people to be a bit more anonymous when shooting their mouths off. However, it does not make their opinions sound any less foolish. Keep up the good work!

Kim

Tuesday 11th of January 2022

The judgement of women trying to live their own fulfilling life is a constant struggle no matter how one is trying to survive life. The persecution of women forging their own enjoyment upsets me, and the fact that people came here, didn't bother to read about you at all, and proceeded to harass you is sickening.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this struggle. You are a lovely person, a hard worker, and a truly joyful author. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with this community.

Cassandra M. Paquin

Sunday 14th of November 2021

Just getting caught up again here. I want to encourage you to not let the callous ignorance of others get to you. You owe no one any sort of explanation as to how and why you do things. If you are clear in your conscience and happy in your way of living, that is of no business to anyone else.

Your resources are encouraging, uplifting, and joyful. That’s what I appreciate about what you offer and it’s what drew me to your site. Don’t let the insecurities of others destroy your peace and happiness. It’s always a reminder to myself that those who bully and oppress others are truly insecure and unhappy in their own worlds. That problem belongs to them, not you. Don’t adopt their issues as your own. Live joyfully, ignore ignorance, and love the life you want to live.

Now that’s coming from someone who has lived in your shoes for a very long time, and when I stopped caring what others were saying and doing and I just chose to live peacefully in my calling and in my way of living, the care of what others were saying and doing became easier to let roll off my back.

Have a blessed day. Cassandra M. Paquin Author, It’s Me, Hazel Marie!

Anna

Saturday 13th of November 2021

" I enjoy vintage feminine fashion, style and decor. I also truly do enjoy being a homemaker, and love old fashioned pursuits such as canning, sewing, baking, gardening, and tending to a backyard flock."

ME, TOO!

Also there is a lot we can learn from a simpler way of life. We and our children are missing some very important things due to the barrage of technology and the fast pace we have all been living for decades now. It's important to slow down, use our senses, our minds and our hands. Let's create a balance for our families and for ourselves. These "traditional" or "old fashioned" ideas help us to do that.

Keep sharing! Many people enjoy the same things you do and many need to discover them!

Jennifer

Sunday 26th of September 2021

I am sorry that some have made what appears to be a fun site, a troublesome place for you. I am happy to see that you will continue on. I am looking forward to the interesting lifestyle you discuss here. Don't let the nay sayers get you down!!

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